就是一张黑白的相片了。那时候，我弟弟已经两岁多了。所以我想，爷爷走得还算没有遗憾吧。葬礼上，我并没有像婶娘们和妈妈一样哭灵，毕竟五岁的小孩能懂些什么呢?我只是不解，不解于周围人悲伤的神情。整个葬礼游街巡行，女眷是不得参加的。母亲与婶娘们留下收拾饭局。她叮嘱我不要谁处走动，而肉团子一样的弟弟被父亲抱着参加了巡行。那天我表现得很安静，出奇的安静……

我的爷爷是一位传统的渔民，听爸爸说，他们小时候就是在练江边捕鱼的。印象中的爷爷，是一位瘦骨嶙峋，但却很健康的一位老人。他对于我，总是那般慈爱。依稀记得爷爷在世的时候，他有辆擦得锃亮的“老爷车”。他总是喜欢把幼小的我放在菜篮子里，身后还载着稍大一点的堂哥，玩着“开火车”的游戏。然而，对于爷爷，我知道的很少，爷爷在我五岁的时候就已经离开了。五岁小孩的记忆如今还能剩下几多?脑海里只有爷爷温暖的笑容，还有的就是那张黑白的遗像。

父亲说，爷爷是一个性情暴躁的人，说他发起怒的样子很可怕。但我却从没见过爷爷发怒的模样，至少在相处的五年里他总是和颜悦色。父亲说那是因为爷爷是个典型的“隔代亲”--亲孙不亲儿。后来想想，似乎真是这样。爷爷在父亲和伯叔面前总是很威严，极鲜对他们露出过哪怕一丝的微笑。妈妈和婶娘们在说关于我们小时候的事情时，说到了爷爷。她们说爷爷重男轻女。其实在我们潮汕农村地区，重男轻女的现象是很普遍的，我却惊异于她们的评论，因为印象中的爷爷对我和堂兄弟们都是一视同仁的。尔后才知道，爷爷确实是有过这种思想的，还很浓重。那是在我出生时，爷爷在知道我是一个女孩时，就铁青了脸色，很不悦。任谁都知道他在生气些什么，可是他的心真的很软，看着我一点点地长大，爷爷对我的宠爱并不输其他男孙。他嘴上什么也没说，但妈妈和奶奶知道，他很疼我。再到后来，爷爷生病了，我再也没有见着他。最后一次见他，

就是一张黑白的相片了。那时候，我弟弟已经两岁多了。所以我想，爷爷走得还算没有遗憾吧。葬礼上，我并没有像婶娘们和妈妈一样哭灵，毕竟五岁的小孩能懂些什么呢?我只是不解，不解于周围人悲伤的神情。整个葬礼游街巡行，女眷是不得参加的。母亲与婶娘们留下收拾饭局。她叮嘱我不要谁处走动，而肉团子一样的弟弟被父亲抱着参加了巡行。那天我表现得很安静，出奇的安静。

等到前几天，父亲一位朋友的父亲去世了，他又想起了爷爷。他对我说，爷爷走的时候是依偎在他肩膀上的，喃喃地说着:“要走了!要走了!”，最后吐血而亡。父亲的神情很感伤，而我却很懊悔。如果那时我已长大，我定会为爷爷哭一场，只是那只是如果。父亲说爷爷操劳大半生，却连走的时候都无法平静地离开。病魔让他很辛苦，父亲说爷爷患的是食道癌，连走之前都不能好好地吃上一顿饭。我只是静静地听着，脑子里不断闪现着爷爷那宠溺的微笑，心里有一种暖暖的凄凉。

英语翻译

It's just a black and white photo. At that time, my brother was already over two years old. So I think, Grandpa left without regrets. At the funeral, I didn't cry like my aunts and mothers. After all, what can a five-year-old child know? I just don't understand, and I don't understand the sadness of the people around me. Female family members are not allowed to participate in the funeral parade. Mother and aunts stayed to clean up their meals. She told me not to walk around, but my brother, who was like a meat dumpling, was held by his father and took part in the parade. I was very quiet that day, surprisingly quiet...

My grandfather is a traditional fisherman, and I heard from my father that they practiced river fishing when they were young. The grandfather in my impression is a skinny but healthy old man. He is always so kind to me. I vaguely remember that when Grandpa was alive, he had a brightly polished "classic car". He always likes to put the young me in the basket, with his bigger cousin behind him, playing the game of "driving the train". However, I know very little about Grandpa. Grandpa had already left when I was five years old. How many memories are left of the five-year-old child now? Only the warm smile of his grandfather is in his mind, and the black-and-white portrait is left in his mind.

My father said that Grandpa was a violent person, and said that his anger was terrible. But I have never seen my grandpa angry, at least for the five years he has been with him, he has always been happy. My father said that it was because my grandfather was a typical "separate generation"---grandson but not son. After thinking about it, it seems to be the case. Grandpa is always very majestic in front of his father and uncle, and he rarely shows even a slight smile to them. When my mother and aunts were talking about our childhood, they talked about grandpa. They said that grandpa is patriarchal. In fact, in our Chaoshan rural areas, patriarchy is very common, but I was amazed by their comments, because the grandfather in my impression treats me and my cousins equally. Only later did I know that Grandpa had indeed had this kind of thought, and it was still very strong. That was when I was born, when Grandpa knew that I was a girl, his face was blue and very unhappy. Everyone knows what he is angry about, but his heart is really soft, watching me grow up little by little, grandpa's love for me is not inferior to other male grandchildren. He didn't say anything, but my mother and grandma knew that he loved me very much. Later, Grandpa fell ill and I never saw him again. See him for the last time,

It's just a black and white photo. At that time, my brother was already over two years old. So I think, Grandpa left without regrets. At the funeral, I didn't cry like my aunts and mothers. After all, what can a five-year-old child know? I just don't understand, and I don't understand the sadness of the people around me. Female family members are not allowed to participate in the funeral parade. Mother and aunts stayed to clean up their meals. She told me not to walk around, but my brother, who was like a meat dumpling, was held by his father and took part in the parade. I was very quiet that day, surprisingly quiet.

A few days ago, when the father of a friend of his father passed away, he thought of his grandfather again. He told me that Grandpa was cuddling on his shoulder when he left, muttering: "Going! Going to go!" He vomited blood and died. Father's expression was very sentimental, but I was very regretful. If I had grown up by then, I would definitely cry for grandpa, it's just if. My father said that Grandpa worked most of his life, but he couldn't leave calmly when he left. The illness made him very hard. His father said that his grandfather was suffering from esophageal cancer, and he couldn't even eat a good meal before he left. I just listened quietly, my grandpa's doting smile flashed in my mind, and there was a warm desolation in my heart.